i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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