Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
