Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
