Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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