That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
