why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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