Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You smell like stripper and shame
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
