She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
