Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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