I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize