There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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