Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
