I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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