OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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