That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
