woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
