i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
