Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
