i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
