Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
