Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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