I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
