Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
