Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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