Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
