D3 body, D1 cock
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
