I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
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i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
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Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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