Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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