you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
