My hair reeks of homosexuality.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
