I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
