Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Is it because I queefed?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
