I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
