he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
