We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
