Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is wine microwaveable?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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