Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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