It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
