I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
