my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so let's talk penis.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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