So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
