I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
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