once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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