I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
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