whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
