a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize