And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
