i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
