Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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