The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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