went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
