The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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