I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
