you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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