ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
