i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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