If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
