so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
