I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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