He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
