Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I don't deserve a penis
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BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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