You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize