My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
