don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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