so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
