Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
