All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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