he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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