My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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