We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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