Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
