So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
