Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
