Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Randomize
