I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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