You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
