i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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