Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
